The call to Come

You know those songs that just jump out at you? The one that makes you turn it up, listen to it over and over, and it stays in your head for days? Well, my most recent encounter with one of these songs is "Fishers of Men" by Rhonda Vincent.  You can listen to it here: https://youtu.be/9Dyi1qRyXfE

This song appeals to me on many levels, I love blue grass, I love A capella, I have a major soft spot for Southern Gospel...I could go on. These were the reasons I kept listening to it and allowed it to replay in my head over and over. It got to the point that my 5 yr old has become obsessed with it and often asks to listen to it. 

Then one day it hit me, this song has the obvious Christian message, but I found another layer to this message that I have overlooked before. The lyrics from the chorus are:
     "Rise and follow me
      I'll make you worthy
      Rise and follow me 
      I'll make you fishers of men."
This is referring to Matthew 4:18-22 when Jesus called Peter, John and James to follow him and he would make them fishers of men. 

The part that jumped out to me was that Jesus' call was so simple: "Come, follow me" or to simplify it further, "Come". He didn't need anything from them at that moment but obedience. He didn't need them to be perfect or changed. He didn't need them to be trained in anything or have money. He only wanted their willingness to follow him. 

As people, we complicate EVERYTHING! Religion and the gospel is no exception. We think that we need to be better, we need to change, we need to have money... But, none of that is true. He only wants us to be obedient and come. Then we see in the next line "I'll make you worthy"and at the end of the chorus "I will make you fishers of men". It is our job to answer his call to come, then it is up to him to be the change in us. We are not capable of being worthy on our own, that comes from him! 

I think that the overt message here is found in the call to believe in Jesus and become a Christian. So, I hope that if you are already a believer that you haven't trailed off and are still reading! I think that this applies to us in so many more areas than just our first belief. I believe that we are regularly called to "Come" and be obedient. We as people talk ourselves out of being the person for the job, but that part is left to him if he has called us to it. 

My example of this, is in writing this post. I have known for days that I was being called to "come" write this. Me, being human, I was willing, but reluctant. I didn't feel that I was adequate for writing this. Here is some of the self talk that occurred: 

• I am not good enough to write this. I haven't been to Bible college and I don't have any formal training in the Bible. The only B I got in college was my religion class. 
• I am in way over my head with this one. I only write about opinions and my personal experiences. 
• What if I get something wrong?
• This is probably something that most people have already thought of on their own, I'm probably just slow getting to this realization.
• No one is going to want to read this anyway. I'm tired and the only time I have to work on is while my child naps, and I'd really like to nap today too. 
• I'm not a writer, I know that I'll make grammatical errors while writing this. 

I could go on. But, ultimately, I had to trust that if this was what I was being called to, that God would follow through on his part and make worthy of writing it.  It is my hope and prayer that in my humanity, I didn't complicate this very simple idea and that in my obedience to write this that the message will be conveyed appropriately. 

So, what are you being called to "Come" to?

What is keeping you from answering the very simple call?

Can you trust God enough to equip you do the rest if you respond in obedience?

A Comforting and Encouraging Message

To say that the past couple of years have been challenging would be an understatement. I don't intend to go into the details of that. Instead, I would like to share something that has been particularly comforting and encouraging. 

This year, I joined the leadership of BSF. If you are not familiar with this, it stands for Bible Study Fellowship. This is a great organization that is committed to helping people study the Bible in a way that maintains doctrinal integrity. The great thing about it, is that it is an international and interdenominational study, so you can find one near you! Check out their website for more info! www.bsfinternational.org/about 

Making the commitment to be in the leadership was not an easy decision. I had very limited resources of time and energy. But I felt strongly that I was being called into this role. I knew that I needed an opportunity to surround myself with other Christian women to help me encourage me in this journey. It was nice to be among like minded women who were so accepting and supportive. I am able to say that I found a group of Christians where I didn't feel like I was being judged. This was just the environment I needed to grow this year! 

Making a commitment to God and the path that he has for you definitely comes with challenges of its own. Speaking honestly, maintaining my commitment was very difficult! In fact, logic would indicate I should have given up. But, I persevered!  We studied the book of Revelation, and 1 of the themes that develops early on is, "patient endurance". This was my prayer regularly this year. 

I came into the study expecting to gain much factual, historical type knowledge. I was so surprised when I found that I was gaining personal life application lessons, and convictions of things I needed to do differently. But, now that I reflect on this, it is not surprising, when we are studying God's word with and open heart and mind, the lessons he has specifically for us, at that moment in time will jump off of the page. One thing that I have especially appreciated about this, is that over time, lessons I learned earlier in the study, or in my life independent of this study, repeated themselves later and sometimes became relevant in a new way. 

Now, that I've shared some of the background, I'll get on with the comforting message I promised in the beginning. The leaders had an opportunity to go to a retreat this year. On the final day we were given the opportunity to have a personal reflection time. We were given some verses to read and then were asked to sit with God and allow him to speak words of love. I thought this is GREAT! I could really stand to be loved on for a little bit. I was feeling so beaten down by life that some love and encouragement was exactly what I needed! 

While I sat reflecting, I was reminded of a magnet that I had as a teenager. I have not thought about this magnet in years! It said, "I love you, that life is richer sweeter far, for such the sweetheart that you are. And now my constant prayer will be that God will keep you safe for me."-source unknown. I choose to rephrase that a bit to "I love you, that life is richer sweeter far, for such the person that you are." 

The following is the "love letter" if you will that flowed out of me: 

Life is richer and sweeter because of me. I was created with purpose and intention.         Humans may not have planned me or wanted me, BUT, the God of the universe does and did! 

I may have been an outcast, but my suffering is not in vain. God has a plan and a purpose for me and my life! A plan for hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

The God of the universe planned me, wanted me and wants me, likes me, loves me, desires me, wants good things for me, made me with purpose, and will fulfill me.

There is a God ordained plan and purpose for my life! I must cling to this. It is so easy to be lost and caught up in the temporal reality of being unwanted from the beginning. I have found such comfort in knowing that God specifically called me to parenthood, it helps strengthen me when I question myself. I may not be aware of God's plan and intention for my creation, but that does not mean that it is not there. I must cling to Him and His plans for my life. This is the only way my life can and will be fulfilled. 

Many are the plans in man's heart, but the purpose of the Lord Prevails. Proverbs 19:21

I am not greater than the creator and will not say to him that he knows nothing. Isiah 29:16

God's plans are far greater and far more achievable than my dreams will ever be! There is no way that Joseph ever dreamed that he would be second in command of Egypt. 

Faithful, patient, prayerful endurance is the way through it all.

God's plans cannot be thwarted Job 42:2 and they will stand firm forever Psalm 33:11

God's sworn promise to me: "Surely as I have planned it, so it will be, and as I have purposed it, so it will stand" Isiah 14:24

I never intended to write about this. I found it to be a personal experience. But, recently, I was feeling moved to share it here on my blog. I know that there is someone out there that needs to hear this message! I am willing to visit with anyone who would like to know more about my story or who wants to share theirs with me. I know that there is a lot of pain and suffering out there. I just hope that you find this to be an encouragement as I did. One of my original intentions of this blog was to share openly things that we normally keep guarded. I know that no one's experiences are completely unique, we are going through the same things, just in different ways. If we can create an environment where we can share openly, they lose their power over us and we can bind together to encourage each other! Please feel free to share the post as well so that more may find comfort and encouragement in knowing that God is there, and He loves them with a love more powerful and unconditional than we are capable of understanding. 

If this touched you in some way, please let me know :)

Apologies

Well, I haven't written in over a year!! Suffice it to say, that this past year has been chaos and we have done a whole lot of surviving and not a whole lot of living. I'm definitely looking forward to 2015 and hoping that it will be more normal, if there is such a thing.

Recently I have found myself shaking my head and asking "What is wrong with people?" I'm sure that I wonder this about many different things, but what is on my mind today related to apologies. I don't understand why people are so ineffective with their apologies. I have been the recipient of 3 really crummy apologies recently and had one of my apologies go completely unrecognized.

So, who has actually contemplated what makes an apology effective? Maybe you all know some people who are great at apologizing and so you've never had the need to contemplate this. Well, I've identified a few components that are necessary for helping an apology accomplish its goal of promoting healing and clearing the air after someone has been wronged.

• It needs to be genuine and specific. Avoid sarcasm. 
• Use an empathy statement to demonstration to the person that you have thought about what you did and how it made them feel.
• Accept responsibility for your actions. 
• Don't make excuses.
• When someone apologizes to you, at minimum, recognize the apology,even if you need time to process it before you feel that you can accept it. 

I've found some gray area when it comes to not making excuses. I know that when I have done something deserving of an apology, it was usually done unintentionally. As a result, I often want to share what my intentions were so that the person can understand my motivation better. Here's the gray area: What is a reason to me, can very easily be perceived as an excuse by the recipient. So, in this case, we need to weigh our motivations and intentions in sharing our reasons for the offense and make sure that they are pure. I think that it would then be appropriate to try to think about how they will be perceived by the recipient and then decide if it would be helpful to share the intentions or not. 

I've spent a little bit of time thinking about why is it so hard for us to apologize. The thing that comes to mind is that we have to humble ourselves to apologize effectively. As someone who doesn't go around purposefully committing offenses, I find apologizing to be fairly easy and freeing. Freeing in that it allows the relationship to be restored and often strengthened. Now, I will admit, that when I have done something that is more overtly wrong, it is much more difficult to apologize and to apologize well. It is a much more humbling experience and can be somewhat painful. But in the end it is still worth it to admit fault to promote healing and restoration. 

In writing this, I've been reminded of an apology that I owe someone. So looks like I've got a phone call to make later. What about you? Who do you need to apologize to? What excuses are you going to choose to leave out of that apology? How will this help restore your relationship?

I'd love to know your thoughts on apologies. I have by no means exhausted this topic! Just a brief glimpse into my own observations. Comment below to share your thoughts. 

Here's to apologizing and doing it well!

Choosing to Trust

As some of you may be aware, my husband was laid off from his job recently. This has been difficult news for all the obvious reasons. Having been through this two times prior, it is not nearly as scary this time as it was in the past. However, it is more difficult this time since this is the first time that I have not been working when we received the news...making it harder to absorb the loss of income. 

The news is always devastating and it feels like the bottom just fell out from under you. Fortunately, this time it was a little bit easier because of our past experiences we can look back and see how God has provided for our needs and cared for us during these times. As a result of being put in this position again, I found myself contemplating a myriad of potential causes:  is there is a lesson that we keep not learning, have we done something to deserve this as a punishment, is this a challenge to our faith, to offer a sampling. 

As I reflected back on the previous times we have been here, I noticed that I did not do a good job of digging into God, relying on Him and fully trusting in His plan and provision. Most of the time I could say all the right things, but at the end of the day, I didn't believe them in my heart. Toward the end of the 2nd lay off, there was a time that I could not even say that I trusted God. The words were too painful. I was so hurt and devastated by the situation and it kept dragging on and there seemed to be no end in sight. As a result of these revelations, I made the choice to dig into to God and trust in His plan, time, and provision. 

My husband made an interesting observation as he reflected on the past experiences as well. He noted that each time this has happened the timing has been correlated with increased involvement in the church. Which also correlates to our feeling more settled into life and being able to give more of ourselves. It wasn't until I considered this along with a comment posted by my Facebook wall by a dear friend that I looked at this situation as a spiritual attack. My friend, Heather, posted: "I truly believe you are where you are supposed to be. Satan would not be attacking you so hard if you were not doing something right. We love you guys and your ministry here is so powerful! Satan knows that and is trying to stop you.I hate that you guys are going through this but you have a great support here that loves you guys!"

For whatever reason, I have not generally been a person who has assigned spiritual significance to most negative happenings in my life. I just kind of accept them as a part of life, get through it as best we can, and move on to the next challenge. I think one reason, is that I have never really considered myself worthy of an attack from Satan. I guess that I don't necessarily recognize the impact that I have and can have on others and their spirituality. But when I considered everything together and had my eyes opened to a new perspective, things clicked and made a little more sense. 

As a result of all this pondering that has been happening, I have made the choice to dig into God and to simply trust. Satan will not win this battle, because I already know who has won the war. I have felt a strong tug to withdrawn from my activities and support systems, but now I know who wants that and why. So, I am choosing to maintain my current level of involvement in my activities, regardless of the battle that ensues within me each and every morning. 

To link this to the stages of grief, I skipped denial, I think it is unproductive and a waste of time in this scenario (I'm a red after all). That is not to say that denial doesn't have it's place, because I know that in some instances, it is a very valuable protector of our mental health. I went right into anger, first was anger at God. This lasted about 3-4 days. Then I was angry at a very large segment of our population for a few days. Skipped bargaining, again, just not for me in this situation. Next came sadness and the desire to withdraw and isolate. The sadness was brief, but the desire to withdraw still lingers. Then on to acceptance and my choices listed above. A few days ago I was overcome with an overwhelming sense of peace. It goes against all logic and all of my humanness that has a plan for how to minimize the damage and best survive the storm. I guess it is best to describe it as the peace that surpasses all understanding. (Philippians 4:7) 

As of today, I can say and believe that it will all be OK and everything is going to work out. God's got this, and His plan is so much more perfect than mine could ever be. He sees the whole picture after all.  

Lessons from Jonah

I started a new devotional book today. It is a book intended to help find healing, today's particular lesson looked at miracles that Jesus had preformed in healing people and storms he had calmed. One reading was out of the book of Jonah. As a person who was raised in the church, I have been familiar with the story of Jonah since I was a child. Being a "red" I don't often like to review things that I already know. But after reading the first chapter as suggested by my book, I felt inspired to read the whole story. It is only 4 chapters long and is a quick read. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the story I will provide a brief synopsis. 

God asked Jonah to go to Nineveh to and preach against their wickedness. Jonah chose not to obey, but to take a boat in the opposite direction of Nineveh. On the boat, he went below deck and fell asleep. While he was sleeping, a huge storm came over the area and everyone on board became afraid for their lives. They called upon their various gods, to no avail. In verse 7 of chapter 1 it says that they cast lots to find out who is responsible for this calamity and that the lot fell on Jonah. He then explained that in order to stop the storm and save themselves, they would need to throw him in the sea. They did not want to do this, but ultimately realized that they must to save themselves. Prior to throwing him in, they asked forgiveness from God. Immediately after they threw him in, the sea grew calm. This caused the people to fear the Lord and offer him sacrifices. 

God caused a large fish to come and swallow Jonah. Jonah spent 3 day and 3 nights there and prayed to the Lord. The Lord then commanded the fist to spit Jonah onto dry land. At this time Jonah followed God's request for him to go to Nineveh. On his first day in Nineveh, he proclaimed, " Forty more days and Nineveh will be overturned." Amazingly, the people headed his words, and fasted, and changed their ways. As a result of their changes, God had compassion on them and did not destroy them. Jonah became angry that God spared their lives. 

There are a few things that I found particularly interesting. One being that the act of casting lots allowed them to determine that Jonah was the cause of the storm. I am not a Bible scholar, nor am I a history buff, so if you are aware of a more in  depth explanation of this act, I welcome your input in the comments section. Basically, this seems to be a game of chance, a something that would be similar in today's world is flipping a coin. I found it interesting that God intervened and used something of chance to reveal the person responsible for the storm. 

The second thing that stood out to me was that as a result of the immediate calming of the storm upon throwing Jonah in the men began to make sacrifices and vows to God. I saw this as pretty amazing that by witnessing one act these men, who had worshiped other gods turned to God  because he had control of the wind and waves. I also saw this as a reminder that God can use us in the most unlikely ways and situations to bring others to know Him and His power. 

The final thing that stood out to me was Jonah's reaction to the people of Nineveh's change in behavior. Initially when I read this, I expected him to be happy that he followed God and as a result had a part in the preservation of an entire city. I put myself in his place, I felt that I would have been relieved to know that I had done what was right and that I had received a visual confirmation of this in their conversion. Again, I think if I had a better understanding of the history relating to this story, I would be able to explain this better, again, I am unable. However, from the study section of my Bible, it explains that "The Jews did not want to share God's message with the Gentile nations in Jonah's day." (NIV Life Application Bible) Jonah believed that these people were evil and deserved to be destroyed for their choices. I have to be honest here, I am not proud to admit, but there have been times in my life when I have been like Jonah. There have been a few individuals in my life who hurt me so deeply that I wished condemnation on them. I have been guilty of saying that I wish they would die and go to Hell. I said that I refused to pray for them and their salvation, because I believed that they did not deserve God's grace and salvation. I am happy to admit that at this time, I have forgiven these people and I no longer wish such things upon them. Feel free to read my post on forgiveness for help learning how to forgive those who have wronged you here:  http://www.followaprilsjourney.blogspot.com/2012/11/forgiveness.html

I also wonder what happened to Jonah after this. It seems that he became bitter as a result of this experience as he says that he is angry enough to die.  In a quick internet search, I learned that we don't know more about Jonah's story from the Bible, as this is the last reference to him while he was alive. It makes me wonder if he gave up his ministry because of this one incident. If so, how sad. 

I had something else that I was wondering about, but as I sit here writing, while trying to manage a toddler and keep him off of the computer, my last thing that I was pondering is gone. I'm sure it will come to me at some point. 

I hope to never forget the important lesson I learned from Jonah and I hope to never be a Jonah again. 

What God's been teaching me

I have been reading the book "The Circle Maker" by Mark Batterson. It is amazing and has helped me see things in a new perspective. I HIGHLY recommend this book. It will transform your prayer life forever. As a result of this book, I have been devoting more time to prayer and have a better understanding of how to pray . I also feel like I have learned a couple things about myself as a result of reading this book, lessons at church, and through my improved prayer life. One thing that I learned and am still working on came from a combination of all three of the above mentioned resources.

I have learned that I tend to be a little bit like Sarah from the Old Testament....no, I'm not sending my husband off to sleep with someone else so he can have a child. I'm like Sarah in that I tend to become impatient and try to do things in my own time and in my own strength, rather than praying through and waiting on the Lord. One recent example that comes to mind is my decision to promote the Body By Vi 90 day challenge. At the time I decided to promote, I was desperate to be able to be a stay at home mom and raise my son. I had prayed about this earnestly for a long time and things were looking positive, but not definite. In hindsight, I can now say that I took matters into my own hand and tried to force it into happening rather than being patient and praying through. As a result of doing this, I believe that I robbed God of some of his glory in providing for us so that I can stay home and be a full time mom.

As a result of learning this about myself, I have started to examine this tendency. I have known that I am a very strong person, while this is a characteristic I like about myself, I think that it can be a downfall. When I get impatient and want something to happen, if things aren't progressing the way that I think they should be, I turn to myself and my strength to do what I can to make it happen. In doing so, I short change myself from the blessings that could come from allowing God to do it perfectly in His perfect time. I also short change God, in that I don't fully recognize what He has done for me and don't give Him adequate praise. One thing that I have been praying for and working on since this revelation, is that God will show me His fingerprints in my life so that I may be able to give Him the thanks and praise that is due Him.

Another thing that struck me came as a result of our sermon this morning. Our pastor preached on the healing of the blind man in John 9. I don't remember exactly how he phrased it, but he made a statement to the effect of "We should all be sharing the miracles that God has done in our lives". He then went on to make the point that while we may not have been healed from blindness, we have experienced miracles. One being the life that Jesus saved us from. That caused me to think about the miracles I have had in my life. In some ways I think this ties into the above thoughts on my difficulty to recognize the hand of God in my life. Obviously, I am not blind, and I have been blessed not to have anything as serious as that in my life. But, I need to learn to liken the things that God does for to the enormity of being healed from blindness. I feel that my story is pretty ordinary, and generally not worth sharing. However, I will be praying that God will reveal things that I need to be sharing with others. After all, that was one of my main goal in starting this blog, to help others by sharing my experiences.

Love Equals the Right to Speak Truth

The title of today's post came from Mark Hall, the lead singer for Casting Crowns. We were blessed to be able to attend their concert in Joplin this weekend with some of our friends. This one statement stood out to me because it sums up so much of what I want to say to people.

As I was reading a section of "Unglued" by Lysa TerKeurst this afternoon, this phrase came to mind again. She was discussing a passage of scripture in James 3 and how it relates to our need to control our reactions during time of raw emotion. This caused me to go back and read James 3 in its entirety.

Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness. For we all stumble in many ways. And if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body. If we put bits into the mouths of horses so that they obey us, we guide their whole bodies as well. Look at the ships also: though they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are guided by a very small rudder wherever the will of the pilot directs. So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. 

How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell. For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the mouth come blessings and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so. Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and salt water? Can a fig tree, my brothers, bear olives, or a grapevine produce figs? Neither can a salt pond yield fresh water. 

Who is wise and understanding among you? By his good conduct let him show his works in the meekness of wisdom. But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice. But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable  gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace. 

I added the bold lettering to the section which stood out to me most. I am guilty of falling into this, so please don't read my words as judgement or condemnation, but rather as a challenge for all of us to strive to improve in this area and to be able hold each other accountable as well. Success in any area of our lives will be attained more quickly when we bring others on board to help us on our journey.

How many of us go to church on Sunday and sing praises to the King, walk the walk, and talk the talk, then leave and make rude comments about the driver in front of us, pass judgement on someone we see, or bad mouth a co-worker who offended us? If you can relate, you are right there with me and probably everyone else we know who is a Christian. Being a Christian doesn't make us perfect, it makes us sinners save by grace. This verse also reminds me of another statement made by Mark Hall during the concert. I do not remember exactly how he phrased this, but basically he said that we as Christians need to stop criticizing lost people for sinning. It should be no surprise to us that they are sinning, they are lost after all! In tying that into the above verse it was a startling reminder that we are all created in God's, in his image. Who are we to criticize what God has made and made in his likeness none the less! Are we some how more suited to judge than God is? Are we somehow more qualified to determine people's weaknesses? If you break it down, the only difference among us is where we are at on our journey with God. Some of us have yet to begin, some of us have matured greatly and are working toward perfecting our walk, and the rest of us fall somewhere in between. I want to encourage all of us to have close relationships with someone who is further along the path to mentor us, someone who is at a similar stage to cheer us on and encourage us, and someone who is further behind us to pour into to them and encourage them on their journey.

Back to the title of today's post, "Love equals the right to speak truth." If we do not have love and do not have a relationship with individuals, we have no business discussing difficult topics with them. If these two qualifications are not met, despite our intentions, our actions will be perceived as  judgement and could possibly do more damage than good. Ultimately, if I had to sum my convictions, it would boil down to love and relationships.