I was driving home from a challenge party the other night and I had a revelation. It suddenly occurred to me that I am NOT capable of being the person I want to be and that I need to change my focus to being the person that God wants me to be.

I was struggling several months back with the realization that I didn't have time or energy to be the person I wanted to be. Someone asked me who it was that I wanted to be. In that moment, I realized how completely unattainable my expectations were. I realized that I had taken everything I liked about the people around me and wanted that part of them to be part of me as well. Basically, I wanted to be Martha Stewart in the home and kitchen, dress fashionably and have salon fresh hair and make up daily, have a house that is perfectly tidy every moment, be mom of the year, be an amazing wife, and have the career of my choosing, all while being an active and involved church member...it's exhausting just listing it all! At that time I looked back on the individuals who have served as role models for me as I created this picture of who I wanted to be and I realized that something had to give for them, because no one is capable of doing it all. In that moment I determined that  there were some aspects of my life that could not give: God, my family, and my sanity!

Apparently the mini lesson I learned several months ago was not enough, because I was right back to wanting to do it all and have it all. This time God intervened for me and this seems to be a more effective lesson. So, who does God want me to be. Well, that is a journey that I am currently on. I have determined some aspects of who this person is, but I know he isn't finished revealing this to me just yet. So far, I know that my roles that I need to fulfill are to be a child of God, a wife, mother, and daughter. Through prayer and reading, He has revealed some adjectives that I have been working to define their role in my life and I'm sure that as I continue on this journey, there will be more adjectives that are added. Currently I know that I am to be diligent, flawed, faithful, persistent, humble, and joyful. I had the most amazing feeling of relief when He revealed that I am flawed and that I am created to be flawed. I have spent my life striving for perfection, or as close as I could possibly come, and I have always fallen short of my expectations. The definition of a flaw is an imperfection or weakness. How nice it is to know that my weaknesses are God given. I certainly don't plan on using this as an excuse to play on my weaknesses, however, it's nice to know that I'm meant to have weaknesses.

Psalm 139:14 comes to mind " I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are you works; my soul knows it very well."-ESV

Here's to being the people God wants us to be, flaws and all!